Ne'er do Wells

Quite the controversy is a brewin' in the food world.

In the right corner is M. Wells, beloved Long Island City diner which is closing shop this month after less than a year, after the landlord jacked the rent up.

And in the opposite corner is GQ food columnist, Alan Richman.

The controversy goes like this: He went to the diner once and had a great meal. He went twice and also had a great meal. He went for a third time and had a terrible meal.

The food (usually terrific) was middling, and the service was horrible.

The next day he got an email from the owner saying that he had apparently pinched one of the waitresses on the tush.

Holy shit!

It's quite an accusation. And not having any extra knowledge other than what appeared in the article, I probably shouldn't weigh in on it. But I will say that the accusation sounds phony to me for several reasons.

1) If it was true, I would be surprised if Richman would draw attention to it by actually publishing a column about it. (After all, he had a perfect excuse for killing the article: M. Wells was closing. It's not really the actions of a guilty person.)

2) The motive for a phony accusation is there, as Richman points out in the column.

3) If this ever comes to a head, Richman has witnesses (three people at his table) to back him up.

4) Sarah Obraitis (the M. Wells owner who was in email contact with him) seemed, by the end of their exchange, to be backing off the accusation. (The accusation moved from "hardy pat on the ass" to "tapped one of our female servers inappropriately.")

5) For all the press this article has received, I have yet to see Obraitis -- or anyone else at M. Wells -- publicly challenge the review, bring forth the accuser, or issue any kind of rebuttal. (Part of me is scratching his head wondering why a reporter hasn't called her and asked for her side of this? Where are you, Eater and Grub Street?)

6) If Richman did this, it would soil his reputation. It seems such a weird, gratutious thing to do.

All that being said, I'd like to hear more details from the other side. But I'm inclined to think this accusation was bogus.

Queens flush

I'm a little late in posting this, but here's my round-up of the secret restaurants of Jackson Heights, Flushing and Elmhurst from last month's New York Post. (My colleague --and fellow Queens inhabitant -- Kirsten Matthew did L.I.C., Astoria and Woodside.)

I went on this high caloric expedition with Vikas Khanna (of Junoon), Danielle Chang (of Lucky Rice) and Zak Pelaccio (of Fatty 'Cue, Fatty Crab -- and many other Fatty enterprises.)

My fellow Queens readers will notice that a number of the classic Chinese restaurants of Flushing were sort of ignored. I told Danielle that we could not go to either Hunan Kitchen of Grand Sichuan or Spicy and Tasty. (Once a restaurant has been reviewed by the Times food critic -- as both of those great restaurants have -- it's no longer such a secret, in my view.) But nevertheless, she picked some excellent spots. (You should definitely try the Taiwanese shaved ice spot.)

But my favorites had to be the Elmhurst restaurants (if for no other reason that they were the biggest surprise.)

In fact, we didn't even have space for all the places we visited. We went with Joe DiStefano, author of any serious Queens' resident's go-to blog, World's Fare. (Joe's recent coverage of the new Flushing mall might have made my "secret restaurants of Flushing" list had I been choosing instead of Danielle.) One of the restaurants that we visited (which didn't make the cut) was Java Village -- an Indonisian place that Joe thinks is the best restaurant in Elmhurst.

I was sorry we weren't able to include it. It was awesome.

Happy hunting.

Straight Flushing

Learn all about the condo wave hitting Flushing, Queens in my story in yesterday's NY Post Home section.

This was one of those stories where I couldn't justify doing a massive food roundup video along the way (maybe I could have, but the holidays interfered) but, of course, a fresser like me has much to talk about in the Flushing Chinese food scene.

There are at least two restaurants on Robert Sietsema's favorite-Chinese-restaurants-in-NYC in Flushing that I'm dying to try.

Unfortunately, I rarely try out new places, 'cause I'm wedded to the old ones.

My favorite will always be Spicy and Tasty. But there are many, many other places to get one's Szechuan or Hunan fix on. Definitely try Hunan House. For dumplings, I like White Bear (just make sure that they're open -- I've been shit out of luck plenty of times). And, of course, one shouldn't leave Flushing without getting at least one $1 Peking Duck sandwich at Corner 28. And one shouldn't miss Xi'an Famous Food for noodles -- although it's less essential than the others. (Not because you shouldn't try it, but Xi'an got so popular that they opened another branch in Manhattan. But a Flushing Xi'an expedition is worthwhile, because it is in a sort of seedy food mall with all sorts of delicious spots nearby.)

Where schlubs have been eating...

It's Thursday and you know what that means:

Max Gross's weekly restaurant roundup and food update!

(If you didn't know that this was a regular feature, that's OK. I just instituted it. And, besides, I realized I hadn't quite chronicled my food outings in some time.)

1) Wall & Water, the new restaurant in the Andaz Hotel.

I went last night with some friends, and I have to say: Pretty darn good.

If I lived in the Financial District and I didn't want to spend a fortune on BLT every time I left the house, I'm sure I'd think the place was a godsend. Not that the place is cheap, exactly. (The people I was with had a "friends and family" discount that made everything half price.) But you can get a burger for $17 and a beer for $6. Most of the entrees were in the mid-$20 range.

We started with the raw bar with some extremely good crab's legs, a spicy shrimp cocktail (which I didn't care for, but everyone else at my table loved) and oysters on the half shell. It was a really well put together platter of shellfish.

Also for an appetizer, I got a pheasant sausage with roasted apples which was simply delicious.

The mains were also quite good -- one of my friends got an outrageously good mac and cheese. (And this is said by a person -- me -- who doesn't even like mac and cheese!) It was served bubblingly hot in a iron skillet with a browned, cruchy layer on top, like a good baked ziti. It was probably the best of the main dishes. (Although as a word of warning: the portion is not huge. I recommend ordering it as a sidedish to be split amongst the whole table.)

I ordered the snapper (a special) which was perfectly well cooked in a broth with muscles (which I liked slightly less) and another of our diners ordered the short rib which was very tasty.

Finally, the cheese plate and the desserts should not be skipped.

The cheese plate for two was a ridiculous amount of cheese -- and they were all very tasty. One of my fellow diners ordered a "rocky road" dessert which was chocolate mousse studded with nuts and marshmallows. It was excellent. But my apple pie with ice cream was stupendous -- a mini-apple pie (also served in a skillet) with a layer of crystalized sugar on top. Oy vey! It was deeeeelicious!

2) Glaze in Midtown.

This is a teriyaki focused lunch spot that just opened yesterday. I got a peek inside for the press dinner. I went with a friend and ordered pretty much everything.

It ain't bad, either. (This city had a sad lack of good teriyaki options. The place I once frequented near my office, Teriyaki Boy, I stopped going to after it made me ill a few months back.)

The teriyaki sauce is a little too sweet for my taste, but it certainly wasn't bad. But any person going into the restaurant should try the charred pork rib. Fell off the bone. Not too fatty. Nice sauce. (It almost tasted like eating brisket.) That was the big winner.

The chicken and pork gyoza are also worth trying. And the miso soup was terrific. (Avoid the cold soba noodle salad. Meh.)

3) M. Wells might officially trump Balthazar as NYC's best breakfast.

Those were hard words for me to write. I love Balthazar. I think it's one of the best restaurants in the city. And their English breakfast is better than anything I ate during the 6 months I lived in the U.K. But I stopped by M. Wells on Sunday for breakfast and my god. My GOD! I don't know how they did it, but it was by far the best egg-and-sausage mcmuffin I've ever tasted (there was a little drizzle of cheese and green tomatoes, and something else I could quite figure out).

And the week before last, I had a weird eggs benedict -- with roasted root vegetables, that was spiked with bacon -- which was also outrageously good.

If you want to go schlub gazing, this might be my new regular Sunday breakfast spot.

4) Finally, I would like to recommend my editor, Andy Wang's, roundup of Singapore snack spots. It made me hungry. And made me want to travel to the far east.

Now that's just total BS!

The Wall Street Journal is reporting (subscription required) that the famous Bollywood theater in my neighborhood of Jackson Heights, The Eagle, is going to be turned into a bank!

Oy.

I was slightly heartbroken when the theater stopped showing Indian movies (not that I went all that often), but the one thing that Jackson Heights really doesn't need is another bank.

Seriously.... How many locations do these banks need?

If you're considering a heartattack...

To my Queens readership out there, I'd like to make a recommendation:

Hunan House, in Flushing. (137-40 Northern Blvd.)

Every time I go to Flushing I inevitably wind up at Spicy and Tasty. Which is great, but if you're looking for a little variety in your Chinese food, you should give HH a try. I went there with the schlubette a few nights ago (we're not dating!) and the menu was incredibly authentic. (There's not a General Tso's chicken in sight.)

Maybe even more authentic than Spicy and Tasty. (For a full rundown on the weird dishes on the menu, check out Joe DiStefano's article. I wasn't that brave.) Much less crowded. And cheaper.

The dan dan noodles were thick and delicious -- and only $4.95. (And perhaps hearty enough for a lunch.)

We ordered something called a pumpkin cake which I can best describe as a pumpkin latke. Very tasty. (Very not good for you.) And unlike most potato latkes, which has a lumpy consistency, the pumpkin filling was pureed down to something smooth and delicious.

Finally we had the Mao's Braised Pork dish. Which only people who do not have health problems should eat. The pork was served in thick cubes that were half-fat, half-meat. I stuck with eating only the meat half and the greens it came with. And the dish was so decadent that we only ate half of it. But I will also say it was outrageously delicious -- some of the best pork I've ever tasted.

If you go, just bring the lipator.

I'm famous

Well, not really.

But I did appear as the "fruit of my loins" on a post that my mother wrote for the Times' style blog here.

I've been trying for days to remember what this joke about Queens I could have told her was. Nada. Zilch. Donut.

If you have any jokes about Queens (the borough, that is) email them to maxgrosstheauthor@gmail.com

Eeny, meeny, Spicy Mina, moe...

I have a theory which I like too much to investigate or debunk:

The pakora was invented by Jews who settled in India and were adopting their own potato latkes to the tastes of the subcontinent.

What is my evidence for this theory?

Well, my pakora last night at Spicy Mina, (a Bangladeshi restaurant in Woodside), was shockingly similar to a latke.

Not much of a defense, I know. But you'll just have to go to Spicy Mina to get what I'm talking about. Not only was the pakora like a latke -- it was better than 90 percent of the latkes I've ever eaten. (It's also much different than 90 percent of the pakoras I've had).

These pakora felt as if it had been shredded together (like shoestring fries) and deep fried with just the smallest touch of spice. (And the tremendous plate they bring out is enough for an enitre meal.)

It is a truly fabulous dish.

And I would advise my foodie readers to check it (and other dishes) out as soon as they can.

The place is very small (my dining companion and I were two of three customers in the joint) and it is slightly gritty. (Which in my pre-bedbug days was something I liked -- now I'm slightly more nervous about.) But it is definitely a worthy experience.

Aside from the pakora we had the aloo gobi (so so) and the lamb vindiallo (a spicy brown curry). The lamb I went sort of berserk over -- I liked it almost as much as the pakora. And even though the room is a little sketchy, the service is attentive and extremely friendly. Go!

God save the Queens...

My neighborhood profile of Astoria is up on the NYP Home blog.

My fresser readers should note: Stamatis is one of my favorite Greek restaurants -- I only mentioned the moussaka, but if you're a fish fan, they have some really spectacular grilled sea creatures. Lamb chops, fried meatballs, and all the rest are outstanding. The bottom line is pretty much: Whatever you order, you can't go wrong. (And the octopus is really outstanding.) The only thing to note: It is slightly more expensive than one would expect. (The moussaka is the cheapest thing on the menu.)

Likewise, I give my thumbs up to Trattoria L'Incontro. That was a new one for me, but I had read about it before. (It's one of Astoria's 5 or 6 restaurants that made it into the Michelin guide.) It started out with a few strikes against it: I schlepped out there on Monday -- they were closed. I went back on Tuesday after work. I wound up having to wait for 40 minutes for a table! But I was actually really impressed with the pasta I had. (Rigatoni with a lamb ragout.) And even though it was a long wait, they were polite. It wasn't Queen -- my favorite Italian restaurant -- but nothing is. The thing that I got the biggest kick out of was the fact that they had a guy playing the harp! For Queens, it is an excellent Italian restaurant.

"Soy sauce is so American!"

Two years ago, when Frank Bruni reviewed the great Flushing sino-dining temple, Spicy & Tasty, the mood around my office immediately turned grim.

"I want to stab Frank Bruni in the fucking eye," was the reaction of one Chinese friend of mine.

A review like that (for a restaurant like S&T) is usually the kiss of death. It would only be a matter of time before the effete Manhattan fressers showed up in Flushing and packed the restaurant. It would only be a matter of time before S&T raised their prices and decided to rest on their laurels. Spicy & Tasty, we decided, was a goner. (There's also something heartbreaking about knowing a great secret that is suddenly revealed to the entire world.)

In fact, it wasn't long at all!

I went a month or two after the Bruni review with my parents (who were serious S&T fans) and it had already gone down hill. Having been back a few times since I can say that it has improved itself -- but it isn't the same Spicy & Tasty it once was.

I had a similar moment of foreboding when I saw Julia Moskin's food story about Chinese food in Flushing in today's Times.

But there are three reasons, I think, why we foodies shouldn't worry.

1) The story wasn't written by the restaurant critic -- which means that the places mentioned are not treated with the same regal deference. (What the hell was Frank Bruni writing about a restaurant where nothing on the menu is above $20, anyway?)

2) There are simply too many dumpling shacks and noodle houses for any one to get a swelled head. Let the yuppies spill into Flushing! They aren't going to all converge on Nan Shian at the same time that they're all at Imperial Palace.

3) It really is a kick ass article. There's a great Web-only interactive map showing where all these places are and what to get at them. I had only heard of one or two of the restaurants mentioned -- so you know where this schlub will be eating on Sunday night. It involved real reporting (Chinese sesame bread is from the Muslim minority? Who knew!) And, of course, there's the great quote: "Soy sauce is so American!"

Hidden Queens

Jackson Diner gets all the attention, but, to be honest, the food isn't all that great. And it's gotten pricey. For about half of the price of one of Jackson Diner's entrees, you can stuff yourself silly at the buffet at Taj. There is chili chicken, tandori chicken, goat curry, aloo gobi, mountains of rice and salad and even rice pudding for dessert.

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