Funny you should ask...

Judd Apatow and Seth Rogen's new movie, Funny People, came out today, and I can report that it's half of a great movie. (The other half, I'm sorry to say, is a piece of shit.)

The basic premise is that Adam Sandler is playing a mega-movie star of schlocky comedies (much like, oh, Adam Sandler?) who is told that he has only a few months to live.

Unlike the real life Sandler, who is married and a father -- and whom I would be stunned if he was anything other than a very sweet guy -- this Sandler (named George Simms) is a malcontent prick. He has no friends, no real relationships -- nothing except his towering fame and all the goodies that come with it. (Be it a bimbo who wants to give him a night of commitment-free sex, or a flat screen TV that will just sit his garage gathering dust.)

The death sentence he receives gives him a few torturous months to reflect on the ruin of his life. He begins showing up at stand-up clubs and talking to the audience in (not very funny) monologue form. Along comes Ira Wright (Seth Rogen) a hungry young comedian whom he hires to write him some jokes and becomes his de facto assistant and caretaker as he runs out the clock on his life.

Rogen and Sandler make an excellent pair. (I strongly disagree with David Edelstein's assessment that Rogen wasn't up for the part -- I think he played the part beautifully.) Rogen is just young and fresh-faced enough to view the world of celebrity through excited, untarnished eyes. And he is innocent enough to be shocked by Sandler's stunning selfishness and misanthropy.

Moreover, these early scenes of the still-wet-behind-the-ears standup comic scene in L.A. is fascinating.

One essentially sees the same spirits you find in the Carnegie Deli in Broadway Danny Rose; these comedians chew each other up for sport and spit out the remains. Everything is a penis joke. Every joke is a chance to assert superiority. Every putdown is a challenge. Every joke has an undercurrent of cruelty behind it.

Rogen is desperate to get in on the act -- but he is a little too nice to do it successfully. (He has to endure two unendurable roommates, too, Jonah Hill and Jason Schwartzman -- both of whom are hilarious.)

Yes, the first part -- as Rogen and Sandler begin to bond, and as they write their penis jokes -- is hilarious. I laughed my ass off at several points. The movie is part documentary about comedians; part meditation on a wasted life and a life that's just beginning.

Sandler is (no surprise) very funny -- but (bigger surprise) he also does the moody, dark George Simms extraordinarily well, too. Sandler has the mien of a man who is filled with self loathing that you never question.

But somewhere along the way I suppose that Apatow felt he needed to reach for the family-worship that worked so well for him in Knocked Up and The 40-Year Old Virgin -- which is really a shame, because Funny People really did not need to do this. (That's not really what the movie was about.)

Sandler discovers that he is magically cured of his ailment. And after a truly hilarious victory party (Eminem has possibly the funniest cameo I've ever seen in anything), the movie moves into mawkish, highly sentimental territory, and I stopped laughing.

I wish Apatow focused instead on Rogen. While Rogen plays Ira as nice as nice can be, he lets off little hints of a slightly more devious personality.

After a painfully bad set by Sandler, Rogen is unafraid to yuk it up with the audience about how awkward and unfunny Sandler's act was. Likewise, when Sandler invites Jonah Hill to also write for him, Rogen eases him out of the picture -- to keep Sandler to himself.

I thought Sandler would see too much of himself in his protege, and try to save him from the perils of fame. That's the plot that makes sense. But, instead, Sandler tries to woo the woman he once loved back into loving him (Leslie Mann).

I won't say anything more. (Partially because I'm exhausted and want to go to bed.) I'm also not sure there's anything more to say. Apatow worships normalcy and family in a way that I wish he could get beyond. Yes, certainly, family is good. (And Apatow's daughters are very adorable -- but they really had no place in this movie as Leslie Mann's kids.) But is another movie on the importance of growing up and being loyal to your family all Judd Apatow really has to say?

No. I refuse to believe that. Anyone who made the first half of Funny People has something more going on in his head. Go see it. But you might want to walk out the moment Adam Sandler starts feeling better.

Off the wagon!

It's tough for a leopard to change its spots...

According to my friends at Page Six, our old pal, Seth Rogen, is back to indulging in his old high caloric ways.

(Well, that's slightly extreme... he had a big pasta dinner at a Hollywood restaurant. Everyone's entitled to such an indulgence once in a while. Doesn't mean he's off the wagon.)

But I do have to admit: I'm slightly delighted to hear this.

Not that I don't wish Rogen well, but the fact that he was always a little overweight was one of his more endearing qualities. He was a stick in the eye of the standard male movie star. It was yet another reason to like him.

But I have a personal steak (uh, stake) in this: During the Knocked Up years most of my friends told me I looked like Seth Rogen -- but better. And by that, I assumed they meant thinner. When I saw how much weight he had lost for the green hornet, I was, well, slightly worried.

Please get fat again, Seth. You can do it! Please... Please?

The new face of Seth Rogen?

I have a confession to make --

I was starting to get slightly sick of Seth Rogen.

Of course, the man will always have a place in my heart. But regular readers of this blog will note that I did not care for Pineapple Express. Superbad was no Knocked Up. And Zack and Miri Make a Porno was a really feeble effort. Given the fact that Rogen has something like 19 more movies coming out in the next few months I was slightly worried that Rogen might have fallen victim to two unpleasant celebrity downfalls:

1) Overexposure.

2) One-character-shtick.

The first worry is still there: Rogen is way, way overexposed. But unlike somebody like, say, Quentin Tarantino (who pretty much stopped making good movies but would go on talk show after talk show, and come up with something ridiculous and cringeworthy to say nearly every time) it seems that Rogen has not fallen into the trap of becoming a jerk.

If you watched his delightful interview with Jon Stewart, he remains as charming and witty as ever. He wasn't recycling old shtick -- he was bantering with the best in a breezy, effortless way.

So, no, Seth Rogen is in no danger of becoming an asshole. (He's one of those rare famous people who takes his celebrity as more of a pleasant surprise than an entitlement.)

But the other worry was a lot more serious. "Ben" in Knocked Up is not exactly the same character as "Cal" in The 40-Year Old Virgin... but they're pretty close. And they're both an approximation of Rogen: Slob; hipster; wit; underachiever; stoner. Granted, that character is very lovable, but there's only so much of it you can take.

It turns out -- with the shockingly fascinating (and just plain shocking) movie, Observe & Report -- that there was nothing to worry about on the acting front, either. Seth Rogen is a much, much more talented actor than I had any idea.

I'm a little wary about overpraising Observe & Report -- I'm not sure it's quite as great as I did when I left the theater. But I don't think it's much of an exaggeration to say that it's one of the two or three best movie I've seen in the past year. (I don't think one could objectively say that it was a better movie than The Wrestler or Slumdog Millionaire, but I think it's fair to say that I probably enjoyed it more than Slumdog.)

The movie is also incredibly twisted. (Dana Stevens coined this immortal piece of praise, "The feel-weird comedy of the season!")

The schlubette, for instance, refuses to see it because she caught wind of the movie's controversial quasi-date-rape scene. (The schlubette redubbed the movie "Mall Rapist" -- which might be a better, if unmarketable, title.)

And, it's true, there is a scene in which Rogen beds a semi-conscious Anna Faris in a situation that nearly anybody would find creepy if it happened in real life and not in a movie. But (and I say this as a man who does not find date rape amusing) the scene was also really funny.

The basic premise of O&R is that Rogen is a rent-a-cop in a suburban mall who is trying to (among other things) catch a flasher who has been terrorizing the female shoppers. Rogen (as well as others) has said that his character has a sort of demented, Travis Bickle quality -- the movie is Taxi Driver set in a shopping mall. And once I heard Rogen say that, I found it was almost impossible to think of anything else.

I would have never quite believed this two weeks ago, but Rogen gives a remarkable comic approximation of Robert DeNiro. Rogen's character is aggressively stupid. He leads a completely dysfunctional existence, living in his mother's house (his mother is a drunk) and spending his free time blowing off rounds at the local shooting range. He's a petty tyrant, lording over his domain (the mall), hassling those he dislikes (like the hilarious Aziz Ansari who only has a two minute cameo, but it's comic gold). He lusts after Faris -- the blonde who works a cosmetics counter at the mall -- in the same way that DeNiro pined for Cybill Shepherd. But while there was a small physical spark between DeNiro and Shepherd in Taxi Driver, there is absolutely nothing between Rogen and Faris. He is simply the weird guard who hangs around her counter, making painful small talk.

But despite the fact that Rogen is unapologetically creepy, there is something sort of endearing about him.

It's one of those perverse things -- the fact that Rogen has bravely decided to make his mall cop so unattractive, he becomes somewhat attractive.

The mall cop has such a lack of self awareness, that you almost worry about him. How is such a fool going to make it through life? (But, then, he's of a type that everybody has seen before. The world has plenty of dullards and gun nuts drifting through it. Rogen is merely a bigger, louder, funnier one.) And he's surprisingly resourceful. When Rogen is duped into standing on a empty corner in a bad neighborhood, he beats the living stuffing out of four or five would-be attackers. When he goes up against a battalion of cops, he holds his own (for a few minutes, anyway).

You almost want to stand up and cheer. (Maybe this is because our expectations are so low for this guy.)

None of this negates the fact that Rogen is also an extremely dangerous person. Throughout the movie you never quite know whether to laugh or run screaming out of the theater. (Which almost makes the movie more in line with Todd Solondz's uber-uncomfortable movie Happiness than with Taxi Driver.) The date-rape sequence is only one of a package of things that Rogen does that are downright horrific. He beats; he tasers; he smashes; he even shoots one unfortunate soul in the chest.

O&R's director, Jody Hill, made the decision, however, that most of Rogen's more gruesome actions don't have a tremendous amount of backlash. Halfway through the coital act with Faris, Rogen realizes that Faris looks liked she passed out and he slows, mid-thrust. "Did I tell you to stop, motherfucker?" Faris says -- without opening her eyes.

One could, I suppose, view this as a tremendous copout. But I'm not sure the movie could have worked as a comedy if it was quite that dark. It dances the line between the comedy of uncomfortable and just plain uncomfortable well enough, in my view.

While O&R primarily rests on Rogen's fleshy shoulders, the rest of the cast is also pretty great. There are the portly twin brothers (who are also gun nuts); there's Faris (who's great); there's the Jody Foster-character (a fragile girl who gives Rogen free coffee); there's the lispy Michael Pena; there's the police detective, Ray Liotta, the man Rogen essentially aspires to be. And I haven't even mentioned the soundtrack, which is filled with some real delights. (The Band's version of When I Paint My Masterpiece, and the Pixie's immortal Where is My Mind, which is used to even better effect than it was in Fight Club in possibly the single greatest chase sequence ever filmed.)

By all means, go see this crazed, nutty movie. But I would warn against taking a date.

Rogen & Stewart

Your humble blogger, has a guest item on the Jewy/foodie blog, The Jew and the Carrot, about Seth Rogen's hilarious appearance last week on the Daily Show.

Expect another blog this week on our schlubby leader (Rogen -- I'm just your schlubby narrator) and his new (remarkable) movie, Observe & Report (I probably won't have time to put anything up today).

Other upcoming blog items this week:

Where this schlub went for Brooklyn restaurant week.

Reviews of Adventureland and Sunshine Cleaning.

In praise of arrogance

I've come to a decision:

My favorite chef on this season's Top Chef is Jamie.

Sometimes you can just look at a chef's food and be able to tell that they know what they're doing. I think this is probably the case with Jamie. She cooks things that she likes to eat -- and she does it well. You get hungry watching her cook.

Even when Jamie was on the chopping block two weeks ago it wasn't because her food was bad -- it was because the egg on her frisee wasn't finished. That happens.

But the other thing that I like about Jamie, quite frankly, is the fact that she's something of an arrogant asshole. She knows how good she is and she doesn't try to hide it or deny it. When she's finished runner-up in two quick fires and two eliminiation challenges she's furious -- because she knows her food is better than that of her competition.

That sort of arrogance... well, it's not usually an attractive quality. Unless it is. (And it almost always is when you're talking about an artist with real talent.)

But there's something about the whole Jamie package that I like. I like the fact that she's slightly overweight and a lesbian with tattoos. I like the fact that she's moody and doesn't give a shit what you think of her. She's the sort of schlub that Rogen was not in Knocked Up but in The 40-Year Old Virgin -- i.e., a cool schlub.

(It's slightly odd that I like Jamie as much as I do -- because she's the exact opposite in terms of temperament of my crush from last season, the always sweet and good natured Stephanie.)

The other shocker of this season of Top Chef, is the fact that I think my second favorite of the season is the far bigger asshole, Stefan.

I wouldn't have felt this way until last night's episode in which we learned that Stefan has a thing for Jamie.

Given her aesthetic flaws, the fact that she's a lesbian and her general ambivalence about him, this says the he, too, senses something deeper in Jamie. The man clearly has good taste. Something crucial for any Top Chef.

*********************************************

And as long as we're on Top Chef, the big shocker of the night for me was the fact that it appears that Gail Simmons is Jewish?! WTF!

Sigh... I miss Ted Allen.

Alaskans for FSTS!

My friend Robert George says this of Sarah Palin's new son-in-law:

"Levi Johnston is now -- next to Seth Rogen -- the most famous guy to knock up a chick."

I never realized that... but it's true!

Does this mean a new market for From Schlub to Stud...? The backwoods Alaskan rednecks? (For the record, Levi Johnston is not a schlub... but I'm sort of curious as to how Johnston would view his schlubby Jewish counterpart, Rogen.)

Robert's post is worth reading in full. I wasn't quite so disgusted by seeing Mr. Johnston on the stage with the GOPers. I was more revolted by the way the Palin's Down syndrome child was passed from family member to family member in front of the cable news cameras. (One friend described it like "passing a bong around.")

Even in my Gross insensitivity, I couldn't quite believe that they would use a severely disabled infant as a political prop. But, then, I don't know why I continue to be surprised by Republican antics.

Sorry, bud

Obviously, I was pretty excited to see Pineapple Express.

And, truthfully, even though this doesn't diminish the great Seth Rogen in my eyes, Pineapple Express is (you'll pardon the expression) a fairly half-baked effort.

I did laugh a number of times. And James Franco gave a really endearing performance as a gentle fool/pot dealer.

And when Rogen and Franco are simply sitting around the apartment, gabbing, the movie is hilarious. One of Rogen's real talents is the way he turns a phrase; the way his mind wanders into the oddest places. And -- wouldn't you know it! -- he has a great partner in Franco. When they talk about some super-duper-mind-blowing-hair-curling grass (the eponymous Pineapple Express) Franco says that smoking it is a little like "killing a unicorn."

Who comes up with such a formulation? (There's a kind of genius to it!)

The problem comes when the filmmakers try to flip a stoner comedy into a stoner/action movie. (Which, I'm sure, had to be their pitch before the execs.)

About a third of the way in, the movie becomes over-plotted and really tiresome. Characters sort of just vanish and plot lines go astray. (What Rosie Perez is doing in this movie, I have no idea.)

One of the reasons why Knocked Up was such a great movie, in my mind, was because it didn't try to do too much. It started out with a very basic premise, and let itself unfold. It sparkled through the force of the personalities on screen. (Not just Rogen, but Paul Rudd, the slobby roommates and especially Katherine Heigl.)

And this isn't to say Pineapple Express is a disaster; it isn't. But it isn't Knocked Up, either.

You know you're having a bad day when...

You know you're having a bad day when you step in dog shit on your way to work.

This hasn't happened to me in years. But it happened to me yesterday.

Oh yeah: And this was the day of my first interview about FSTS.

I limped over to the nearest Starbucks, put my sneaker under the faucet and kept it there until I was satisfied that all evidence was gone. But it didn't exactly do wonders for my confidence.

I wondered whether I should tell my interviewer that this happened. (I even thought of amending it a little and saying I "stepped in gum.") But I figured that she wouldn't go near me for the entire interview... or she'd think that I was lying. "Yeah, right," she'd say. "On his way to an interview about being a schlub the guy steps in dog shit. No one is that much of a schlub."

Actually, I don't think my interviewer would have cared that much. No one told me this, but the interview was not about FSTS -- it was about Seth Rogen. Apparently, I am now an expert. I was a little taken off guard and I'm sure that I babbled a little. (Hey -- it was my first.) But look for it in the next issue of Jewish Living magazine....

We'll see just how bad a day I had.