Monday, June 16, 2008

Golf. Schlubby or studly?

I have to admit, I'm a little torn on this one.

Golf is such a lazy man's game, you'd think that a schlub would do well with it.

You not only get to dress incredibly badly, you're actually encouraged to dress like a slob. You get to drive around in those little golf carts. It's one of the rare sports where you don't need to work up a sweat (or be that physically graceful) to do somewhat decently.

Count that in favor of it being somewhat schlubby.

(Also count in its favor Happy Gilmore. I think Happy definitely qualifies as a schlub.)

However, in my heart of hearts, I just don't believe it falls into schlub category.

For one thing, it's sooooo Waspy. Any game that Dan Quayle and George Bush excel at is one that we should just stay away from. (I think it's too respectable a sport, when you get right down to it.)

And, guys, am I the only one bored silly watching this junk?

A few years before he died, my grandfather once tried taking me golfing. We went to a driving range, he set up a ball and he let me swing away.

After what I thought was a decent swing, my ball dribbled about three feet from the tee -- and I looked down in utter embarrassment. Even though I continued wacking at the ball for the better part of an hour, I never did much better. I hopelessly sucked at golf. I couldn't wait for the day to end.

Maybe this is personal; maybe I should be more open minded (and I welcome any emails telling me why golf is the cat's meow) but I'm ruling this one studly.